I am learning that government programs for seniors in Alberta are not exactly simple to understand or access.  I don’t know why, perhaps the more complex they make the program, the more people they can keep employed.  It certainly is not for the benefit of seniors.

So in my experiences with searching for programs that will be of benefit to the seniors in my life, I have come to the conclusion that there is an opportunity for some really big money as a “Government Program Interpreter”.  Candidates must have the following qualifications:

• Extraordinary, endless patience with government policies, people who may have never spoken English before their current job, and are studying for their citizenship exam in between answering phones, and seniors who don’t wish to be a burden on anyone or appear to be in need because they are independent and will never give up their right to remain independent
• Ability to ask the right questions while understanding that they will never actually obtain the right answers from the senior they are working with – and by the time they get the right answers, the questions will have changed
• Ability to decipher the difference between the receipts from last year (that are required) and the receipts from the previous year (which are no longer valid for that year’s program and will not be reimbursed, unless proof of actual benefit eligibility is received in triplicate and with a notarized signature
• Ability to repeat above the next benefit year – when the benefit program will have changed, because Program XYSTSO has been amalgamated with Program ERPDG to form the new Program ETDOSY and the benefits that were eligible last year have now been rolled over into the now-non-existent PEFISL Program
• Hands free phone with extra long battery life – because shuffling papers into the phone while talking with a government representative is very impressive and most likely will result in a very fast (i.e. 45 minute hold time) to “someone in authority”

While many seniors actually have the money available to pay someone to do this, unfortunately, the seniors who actually need the service are the ones who don’t have a lot of money in the first place!  So, the big money needs to come from sponsors.

Come on now, step right up!  Sponsors need these qualifications:

• Ability to pay a lot so that seniors can continue to purchase the necessities of life and be cared for properly so they can continue to live fulfilling lives
• Ability to never question whether it actually took 27.45 hours to get one question answered
• Endless compassion for the poor souls who took on this job in the first place and are now bald as a result of pulling out their hair a strand at a time with each call placed on hold, transferred to “someone in authority”, or visit with a senior who doesn’t remember where they put that piece of paper

Hey, wait a minute!  What if the sponsors just provided the seniors who need a little help with whatever they need, and they get a tax credit in return!  Genius!  Now THAT is what the politicians should be spending their time on.