Do you know what it’s like to be forever at the starting gate? To feel as if you’re always just beginning, but never finishing anything? Does it seem like you never get to your full earning potential because you skip from one company to the next, never there long enough to climb their compensation ladder? Are you bored with doing something as soon as you’ve learned how to do it really well, and get so impatient to move on to something new that you’ll quit rather then keep doing what you’ve already learned?

Welcome to my world. I have a long history of jumping from one thing to the next. I thought I was lazy, un-motivated, not good enough, not smart enough, not loyal, not dependable…basically, I suffered from the “Imposter Syndrome“.

The reality is, I’m NOT lazy (I’ve worked full time jobs with part time jobs or part time studies or part time businesses for years!). I AM motivated (I operated three businesses at one time, and when I had just one part time business I also served on the board of a business association, did public speaking gigs, participated in several business groups, always had home-baked cookies in the cupboard, meals on the table, spotlessly clean house, and entertained family regularly). I’m NOT stupid (learned computer programs with or without formal instruction, figured out how to run a business, graduated from college with honors, ran successful businesses). I AM absolutely loyal to my marriage and family and clients. My husband and I are both very dependable – and our families know we are always here when they need us.

So why did I feel this way?

Because I don’t fit in. I don’t do things like a lot of people do things, and I am not happy living a lifestyle that others are very happy with. I’m what Barbara Sher calls a Scanner. I have a lot of interests (business, marketing, wood carving, gardening, reading, writing, drawing, quilting, and a bunch more), and I like to dip in to various things for a short time, and then move on to something else. I often don’t finish things. Right now, I’m “working on” a tiny quilted piece that originally was to go on a window at a house I haven’t owned since 1995. A composter sits in the backyard, almost ready for the container of food scraps to go in it – the container is full! Weeds abound in the flower beds that hold the plants I started from seed in February. I have one novel and at least 6 short stories in various stages of writing. My office is forever in the “I’m reorganizing” stage. I have six woodcarving practice pieces. I have three sketch books and a notebook of really bad drawings of great memories and silly little stories I wrote on the fly.

Some “dippers” are like hummingbirds – they fly so fast you can hardly see them, dip for a quick drink, and move on – while others are a bit more like bees – they buzz around a bit more slowly, sit a little longer and spread a little of what they’ve gained at each stop at the next stop. I think I would describe myself as a bee, with occasional hummingbird characteristics.

I moved from place to place, never finding one I really wanted to stay at. I went from job to job, never finding one that could hold my attention for long. I learned from everything I could get my hands on, from college courses to online training to books to home study courses, and from everyone I met. You know the five-year-olds who ask “why” “why” “why” so many times you want to scream? I still do that.

So what happened? In my late thirties, I decided it was time to get my act together, and I started my business “for real”. I always knew I needed to be my own boss (after all, I couldn’t possibly be a worse boss than any I had ever worked for). I became a Virtual Assistant after training with AssistU. I also started dating another Scanner at about the same time, although I didn’t know that term then. Eventually, I married this man and became a Stepmother (talk about “not good enough, not smart enough”!). Adjusting to married life with stepchildren required a whole lot more of me than I ever imagined, so I worked temp jobs for a while, and then started Taylor Made Time as a part time VA practice.

Things settled down, and eventually became…ack!!!…almost routine. Terrible! Awful! A fate worse than death. BOREDOM??? NO! It couldn’t be! Now what?

I freaked out. I was really afraid. I thought I would lose my husband. I thought I would lose my stepchildren. I thought I would lose everything we had worked so hard for. Because I had never been able to stick with anything or commit to anything, I really believed I had reached the end of my happy married life. I didn’t want to lose all of that though. I did a lot of soul searching for several years to try to figure this out. In hindsight, I wish I had talked more openly with my husband at that point, but I honestly didn’t know how to even explain what was wrong.

I was actually very happy with my personal life, but my professional life was not enough. Not enough money, not enough new learning, not enough opportunity to share my knowledge. I didn’t want it to become a full time practice. I needed opportunities to share what I knew. VA work is all about doing the routine, and very necessary, day to day tasks that support a business and the business owner. I began to offer consulting services. But teamed up with a VA practice, that did not work very well. It was confusing to clients, hard to separate the various services, difficult to price them properly, and so much more.

For a while, I almost completely dropped the VA practice and went back to an admin job. Double ACK!! That was not the answer. And then I discovered Valerie Young’s “Profit From Your Passions” consulting/coaching program. I enrolled and became a certified Profit From Your Passions consultant. Valerie talked about Barbara Sher’s idea of Scanners, and that’s when it all came together. I forgave myself for not being what the world said I should be. I allowed myself to stop trying to finish things. I allowed myself to pick things up and drop them as soon as I felt like it.  I began to do what I’ve always wanted to do:  I began to write. And write. And write. Oh, how the words began to flow!

Eventually I started this blog and became the “Reality Dreamer”.  This blog gives me a chance to just write, about whatever is happening with me, what I’m thinking about, and it also gives me a chance to hear what other people think too.  I hope you will post your comments here too!

I am back to one business, and no jobs.   That works well for me at this time, and my business is focused on online marketing for small businesses.  I help people to learn how to publish effective e-newsletters, and help them to develop strategies that integrate the e-newsletter, website and social media into a complete online marketing strategy.  I wrote a guidebook that can be used alone or as a companion to the teleclass series I offer, and I incorporate that content into my consulting sessions.  In some cases, people want to do their own e-newsletters – I help them learn how.  In other cases, people just need to have it done – and I get it done for them.  Then there are people who want ongoing coaching or consulting services to keep their online marketing strategies fresh, reviewing results and tweaking the content to better meet clients’ needs.  I work with a very small number of people at this level.

Because I have focused on Taylor Made Time and nothing else, I have time for writing in a bigger way.  I write every day, sometimes business-related writing and sometimes fictional stories and character studies, and I journal almost every day.  If I seem to be absent on this blog at times, it’s probably because I’ve fallen into an intense writing project that I don’t want to be distracted from!

I also do a little public speaking.  I am a Constant Contact All Star Award winner (2010) and I am a trained Expert Presenter for the Constant Contact email marketing presentation.  I coach if I’m asked to (although I have completed Valerie Young’s consulting/coaching program, I do not hold any other coaching certifications and don’t feel compelled to pursue those certifications either).  My coaching is a combination of coaching and consulting, as that offers a balance of drawing out what is within you and sharing my own experience to help you move forward faster.

I have a great success partner in Win Day. We work really well together. Amazingly well. She pushes me to go that extra mile, write that extra chapter, go to a deeper level, so that what I write is exceptional instead of great. She pulls details out of me that I had no idea were there. She has a knack of being able to put details into place, and she can build pretty much anything we can dream up! She’s the force behind this blog. I say “it would be cool if I could <insert wild crazy idea here> on my blog” and a few minutes later she’ll say “go here, do this, and you’ll see <wild crazy idea> on your blog”! And she says to me “it would be cool if we had a <insert wild crazy system/program idea>” and a couple of hours later I’ll say “is this 10 page draft I just whipped up what you meant?”. It’s really kind of magical.  At one time we tried formalizing our work with a corporate business entity, but we found that all the extra work required to sustain a corporate identity detracted from the actual work we could do together!   So we are back to our separate businesses, but we continue to work together informally.

I lived in a world that did not accept me or understand me for 30-some years. Once I began to understand myself the world seemed to expand and accept me in an entirely different way than I had ever experienced.  In hindsight, it wasn’t the world that didn’t accept me, it was my own perception of not fitting in.  I don’t regret the experiences I’ve lived through, although there were a lot of very painful ones. What I know for sure is that each time I followed my heart, I experienced a healing of sorts. Each time I did what I was expected to do, each time I did what people said I “should” do, I had a learning experience. Neither one is bad, both were necessary. But I’d much rather follow my heart, now that I understand that it was right all along. It’s much easier to hear now, because I’ve stopped pushing it down and ignoring it.

And, now that I know what my “problem” was, surrounded myself with supportive, loving people who understand me, and reworked my professional life to fit me so I do what feeds my heart and soul, I have a whole lot of information and tools and resources to help other people do the same. Experiencing what it’s like to work in my business with a partner has been so amazing that I can hardly wait to be at the point where I can hire a VA (and yes, she will be the one who does the regular follow up, makes sure the details are looked after, and makes sure that this day to day business happens on a regular day to day basis!), and a whole team of people who can support me in my success.

That’s my story. I’d like to hear yours. If it’s similar to the first paragraph here, I can help you rewrite the middle so your story has a happy “right now” paragraph.